Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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