I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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