This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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