I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
