PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
