I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
