This is not my ceiling
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
