Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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