i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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