I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
