so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
