I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
