i just sent this text using only my big toe
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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