Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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