We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
