I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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