Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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