Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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