In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
