1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
