So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
