I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
