Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
