remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
