Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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