then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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