I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
