I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
