Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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