This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
