Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
