i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
