we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
