My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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