I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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