last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
