I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
