I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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