Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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