she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
