Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
