I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize