a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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