You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
