Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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