Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
