Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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