Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just forgot I was standing up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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