You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
