when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize