How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
