if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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