i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
