We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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