An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
