It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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