My first STD was from a foam party
This house was built for laser tag.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
