I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
