It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
