listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
