She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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