There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
