I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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