i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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