I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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