The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
