You smell like a Billy Joel song
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
