Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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