She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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