Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
