you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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