I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I believe in your delicious
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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